Emotional Exile

Slighted, Snubbed, and Shunned

Have you ever been at a table with friends at the local pub or chatting online and they talk over or around you as if you weren’t there? Have you ever had the feeling of being slighted, snubbed, or shunned? I read somewhere (a long time ago so I don’t remember the source) that the smallest minority is one person and that’s why individual rights are so important. Many people seem all to willing to unperson/cancel others these days without considering that individuals have rights (even if it is a right to be a fool), but it’s truly sad when unpsersoning occurs among friends.

Being unpersoned doesn’t have to be a public or political affair. It can happen among friends drinking a few pints at the local pub or on one of the many (so damn many) social media sights that crowd the interwebs. Say the wrong thing, make an improper comment, or have an unpopular opinion and you’ll find yourself exiled to drinking alone or watching a conversation scroll along without you. Once unpersoned those who were friends will slight your comments, snub your views, and possibly shun your presence, and this is often done without a thought to individual rights.

“Empty Chicken Shack”

When individuals are quick to turn on friends and willingly unperson/cancel them for comments made or views held it gives one pause to think about how they would treat people they don’t know. Sometimes we should and need to remove a peer from our circle of friends, but before committing somebody to emotional exile maybe we should ask if in doing so are we considering that person’s rights (because we would want the same consideration).

-K-

Prohibition(s) and the State

It’s Ultimately Access

The State (with the capital ‘S’) loves its prohibitions (both the lower case ‘p’ and the upper case ‘P’). Once the State finishes telling us what we can’t do it’s up to the individual citizen to figure out what he/she is allowed to do. Keep in mind, that State wants you to believe all that you are allowed do is due to the good graces of the State. If you violate (or overlook one of many and often vague) any prohibitions you are at fault and the State is quick to respond.

“No Entry”

Prohibitions are about control, and an easy way to control people is through denying and/or allowing access. The purpose of prohibitions (in most any form) is to keep certain individuals locked out and other individuals locked in. It is the State that gets to determine which side of the door you get to live. The State should work for the citizen, but many of the State’s prohibitions work against the citizens and deny us access, opportunity, and ultimately freedom.

“Prison Door #2”

-K-

A Final Thought on Doorways

or the Odd Machinations of the Writer’s Mind

Another month is in the books. May was about doors and doorways, the literal and the symbolic. We all encounter doors throughout life. We pass through some and we are denied passage through others. It feels as if the past few months have had more than their fair share of doors. I’m going to end the month with an odd instance concerning my relationship with doors.

I have a fear of knocking on doors. I’m afraid of ringing doorbells too. Why, you ask? I don’t have clue. I don’t have any bad experiences or weird memories (my only explanation is that I’m an odd duck of sorts). I just don’t like knocking on doors, and here is on such experience to give you context.

#515 (#62-editj20.115)
“#515”

I’m at my best friend’s house. I’m standing at the back door. The back door is open so there is only the screen door, the kind where the top half of the door can be either screen or glass depending on what season it is. It’s summer so the screen is in the door. My friend and his wife are expecting me. I’m standing there looking through the screen into their house (that’s a creepy kind of sentence). I can hear the TV in the basement. And me? I don’t ring the bell. I knock so quietly I know the sound won’t be heard over the TV. I keep doing this, knocking quietly. My friend’s wife comes walking through the kitchen and sees me. I act as if I just walked up and quickly ring the bell. She says, “Wow, perfect timing.” I agree because telling her I’ve been outside knocking for over a minute would put me in the running for the mayor of Crazy Town.

What’s the moral of the story (beyond now knowing that I’m a bit odd)?  It’s not the fear as much as it is how I deal with it that I want to share. The fear of knocking on doors has never left, but I deal with it by texting people when I arrive. No more knocking on doors when all I need to do is send a text. So, what’s the moral? If you can’t through a door then try a window (or maybe a text).

-K-

The Dilemma of Locked Doors

or A Rambling Metaphor

Ever bust your ass to get to a door only to find it locked? Ever find out that the key you thought would open a door isn’t the right one? I’m speaking about doors as metaphors, but some doors just can’t be opened.

We hustle and grind only to find doors locked because of who we are or what we’ve done. Keys to these doors are given to a select few. If you aren’t the right kind of person with the correct opinions no keys will be given to you. The requirements for being the right kind of person and the list of correct opinions are conveniently listed on the inside of the door. There are also doors that don’t open with the keys we’ve struggled so hard to earn. Those who guard the doors can change the requirements for the right kind of person and the list of correct opinions one must have at will by changing the locks. This leaves us with useless keys.

Second Floor Door (#157-edit)
“Second Floor Door”

Life presents us with numerous doors. We can pass through most of them with hard work. But some doors remain locked no matter how hard we work because we aren’t the right kind of person or we have incorrect opinions according those who guard the doors. So what’s a person to do? I’ve found it’s useless to try to be the right kind of person or to change opinions (unfortunately I found this out after spending way too much time trying to be the right kind of person and changing my opinions). I suggest that we kook for the doors that open for the odd, the outcasts, the rounders, and the ramblers.

-K-

The End of Relationships

and The End of a Relationship

That sounds redundant but there is a point here. Valentine’s Day was the impetus for this month’s topic. I hope you managed to get through, around, under, or over that special day. I’ve written about a variety of relationships this month and cited songs, books, and movies in the process. So I’ve decided to wrap up February with the end of a relationship.

“She Put Him Out”

Art may imitate life but seeing a relationship end (and end badly) in front of you is unlike any song or movie. Writers may capture the emotion of a moment but it is never as raw as real life. Last summer I was out for a stroll when I wandered into what can best be described as the end of a relationship. I won’t attempt to describe the emotions that were involved (there was a lot of screaming, crying, and threats). It was like a bad accident I couldn’t turn away from. I’ve been in some relationships that ended poorly but nothing like this. We can listen to songs, read books, and watch movies but real life is raw and unscripted. Sometimes the jolt of real life unfolding around us serves as a reminder of how fragile relationships can be.

So here we are on the last day of February about to wrap up the topic of relationships. I feel it is fitting to end the month with a relationship the ended poorly because it is important to remember that we need to put in the effort and time that is neccessary to make a relationship work. Songs, books, and movies provide comfort and advice but they can’t do the work for us.

-K-

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